As an 18 year old that was pregnant, jobless, pretty much friendless and without my own home, I clung desperately to the man who I got pregnant with in the vague hope he'd support me and our unborn baby. You can probably tell what I'm going to write next...that it was all in vain. Long before I realised it, he had chosen to walk away and relinquish himself of all responsibility. I spent all my time trying to contact him and was really cutting a pathetic figure chasing after him like that. Another lesson learnt.
At the time I was hurt, if you think you get hurt when you get rejected, you should try having your child rejected - that hurts more. With a little more time I was relieved and could see the positives - I was solely responsible for our child and so every decision, every up and down, all fell on me and I actually preferred that. I'm quite unique in how I believe children should be treated and brought up and so it saved inevitable rows.
I got to spend a lot of time with my son and those are the most precious memories of my whole life. So we didn't have a lot, but we did have each other and that was (still is) priceless.
When my son was very little, people from the Benefits Agency called at our home at a ridiculous hour in the morning and scared us to death. It was far too early, though luckily, we were up as my son is an insomniac. They were checking that I was indeed single. They found that yes I was and they persuaded me that I really must apply to the Child Support Agency (CSA) for maintenance money. They all but had my arm up my back. I agreed and was just happy to get them out my house.
It's now 19 years later and we haven't had any maintenance payments, but we have had endless confusion and let downs from the CSA, letters saying we'll be getting x amount starting next week, then nothing materialises, none stop mixed up letters, phone calls to people who don't know what's happening...it's been a lot of hassle when I think back on it.
They even made it an official debt through the courts, had Private Investigators and Bailiffs involved and still we received nothing.
For a long time it rumbled on in the background of our lives and I thought nothing of it - it was just an open ongoing case that may eventually get us a little extra income. How wrong I have been.
Recently someone I know has been having issues with the CSA. This is not unique - I know loads of people who have issues with them. This is the other way round though, this person is being cleared out by them and their own personal circumstances ignored in favour of the other party. It seems the balance is skewed with these things and that those willing to pay, will pay through the nose and that those who choose to ignore the letters - won't pay at all.
I like things to be fair, but really fairness doesn't exist, since we all create our own reality. Those that are putting out the energy that they won't get maintenance or that they don't deserve it, won't get any, and those that put out the energy that they will get it, and that they do deserve it, will get payments. It does take all parties to create the overall energy though.
The thing is, by keeping the case open, all I have done is give myself karma. After all, I know deep down he will not pay so that is the energy I'll get back at me and it is therefore a pointless exercise. Plus, I have put another human being through court and all the other stuff too. This is going to come back to me down the energetic lines that connect me to this situation and as the Law states it will come back to me three or tenfold. Crikey! I do not want to be around when that comes back to me. Beam me up, Scotty!
Today I closed the case and it felt very good to cut loose and let it go. I asked for forgiveness and I sent positive energy its way to go some way to making up for what I have done.
I'm very grateful to the people I know who have presented this lesson to me over and again. It was winding me up no end seeing this woman chase after maintenance and 'extras' at all costs from the person that I know, and never accept responsibility for her own income. It's put the person I know into a terrible financial position for years of their life, and frankly, it does seem unreasonable that they don't just want a fair amount, but instead want to make the other person suffer financially - this has nothing to do with keeping children fed and clothed, but is all about not having to earn income themselves, being kept in a lifestyle they enjoy and wanting revenge too.
Everyone in our lives is a reflection of us. I couldn't face this reflection, after all, it is a very ugly one. However, I can't say after 19 years of allowing the CSA to relentlessly pursue money for us, that I am all that different. I did it in ignorance but that's no excuse.
All I can hope now that I've closed the case is that my sons dad gets on with his life and that I haven't (albeit inadvertently) caused any damage.
It is of course so hard when we are left to our own devices, especially if we have children to look out for. It makes us vulnerable and we all need to be careful that in turn, that doesn't make us resentful or spiteful in our pursuit of 'correcting' the situation.
There is so much more peace to be found from allowing people to make their own choices. Once you accept full responsibility for your life in its entirety you'll never need to rely on someone else again and that is so liberating.
Knowing you have money coming in from an absent parent may be comforting, but it should never be a way of getting back at the other parent, diminishing your own responsibility or just for the sake of it because its easy money.
When we let go, we let in, so let's see what wonderful things come into the lives of all who were involved, now this situation is over. And that too is karma.
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