Healing My Relationship Insecurities

About 2 years ago I started my life as a healer. I've had around 712 reiki self-treatments, plus treatments off friends, treatments at reiki shares, and I also invest in once a month reiki sessions with a healer too. Not to mention the workshops; the crystals all over my house, the reiki I send to situations past and present and the reiki that comes through me when I give healing. That's a lot of healing. It's no wonder my healing experiences are so intense.

It would all mean nothing if I wasn't prepared to do the inner work that accompanies it. It's occurred to me recently that the easier 'surface work' (as I call it) has now all been done. That means the very obvious work, the things that could be spotted at 50 paces, have all started to heal.

Now I'm getting to the proper darkness. The murky, horrible, painful stuff that none of us like to admit exists. In fact a lot of us would be so blind to it, we'd say it doesn't exist for us. Oh, but, it does...it's in there somewhere, lurking....

It all started where it can always be found, in my fear energy. I'm carrying a huge amount of fear that I'm not loved. I should drop it, but it's so familiar I find myself unable to.

Yet I'm living with someone who I've loved for 10 years. Not that time has anything to do with it - you can love someone more for 10 minutes than for 10 years, in some cases.

Examination of this fear has led to so many discoveries about me and my insecurities, of which I have many. Even as a seasoned healer, I don't know where to start. Consumed by the darkness and swallowed by the pain, I haven't been able to communicate what's happening to me. 

It goes something like this:

I'm frightened that I might think we're in love, but we're not.
I'm frightened I'm not lovable and loved.
If I'm not loved (or loving) I shouldn't stay.
I'm frightened of endings.
I'm frightened of staying if I'm not meant to.
I'm frightened of staying if this is the sort of inner work it brings.
I'm frightened this relationship is reminding me of my vulnerabilities.
I'm frightened to share this in case I'm the only one.
I'm frightened of being the only one.
I'm frightened there's no-one in this world for me.
I'm frightened if it's just me, I won't survive.
I'm frightened if I do survive, I won't be happy.
I'm frightened this healing is going to end 'us'.
I'm frightened my partner won't join in this healing and it'll separate 'us' and I'll be on my own.
I'm frightened there is no 'us'.
I'm frightened this isn't healing, but an ending in disguise.
I'm frightened if that's true, I'll never love like this again.
I'm frightened that only people who face their own darkness will understand this process.

It seems I'm frightened to be on my own. If you know me, you'll know I love time on my own, but that is entirely different to what I'm talking about.

The fact is, I like that I've got someone I can rely on, someone taking care of me, a guaranteed hug every night, someone I don't have to explain myself to...to some extent someone I don't have to make an effort with. 

I've got someone who fascinates me and someone who gently restores the balance when it all goes out of sync.. It's a comfort. And amongst my many fears, I feel I need comfort. We all seek comfort in some form or another. 

Where is this healing leading me to? The obvious answer would be a relationship split, since that's where my fear lies. I find myself wondering if we're falling apart to fall back together again, or just falling apart? I can feel it because I'm sensitive. He can't. 

I find myself crying at all hours of the day. I find myself crippled with pain at what I'm finding out about myself and the ensuing turmoil. It turns out I'm also frightened of the unknown. Nothing is more frightening than the unknown on my own. 

Where fear lies, I often find our biggest breakthroughs. The question is, will we breakthrough or will we breakdown?

Whenever there is healing, there is opportunity for growth and change. The growing pains are just that - painful. The change is often beautiful.

The process can be the hardest one in the world. That's why so many won't do the inner work. At times like these I wish I didn't do the inner work too. I long to go back to sleep, to the safe, sheep-like mentality of a 9-5 job, oblivious to all that holds me back. I find myself envious of those who don't have the hurt. I get angry with my soul for agreeing to this path.

I still find myself doing what I always do now, standing at a crossroads when every direction points to pain. I sometimes doubt I can go on, but deep inside I know that I will. Like some kind of autopilot, my soul will push me through.

Whatever the future holds, I hope I can be honest enough to bare my open wounds for the benefit of all.

Nothing is real but love. 

Me, My Grandad and I

Grandparents often hold a special place in our hearts. They offer more acceptance of us, more belief in us and less of the urgent responsibility that parents carry to mould you a certain way.

None more so than my grandad from my mums side.

When I was little and we'd visit, I'd sit quietly taking in the family dynamics; I was more sensitive than most and would try to place where I fitted in amongst the family setting. You could call me The Black Sheep of the family, I've always had a strong desire to go my own way, buck the trend, break the taboo...

I'd find myself saying or doing the wrong thing or being misunderstood time and again. At times like these I would come across a place that felt like shelter and that place was grandad. It was a silent hand hold, a wink or a funny face at me when no-one was looking, a squeeze of my shoulder as he went past or choosing me to help him in the kitchen.

I'd help him make tea and as he was such a joker, he'd get me to stir the brew three times and bang the cup with the spoon twice to get the "best blend" - a practice I believed to be true for far too long!

Even though I loved going to see him, I used to cry when I went to stay there as I hated change to my routine, something he found funny and would try to get me to laugh too. He never tried to change me though. He loved me as I was and I knew it. He laughed even more when I used to cry when I left after staying. 

He created a routine of our own so me and my sister didn't have to worry. We'd go to the video shop to pick a film out and we'd pick the same videos every time. He would gently try to persuade us to be brave and try a different film, but would simply laugh when we chose Annie and The Sound of Music AGAIN!

Me and my grandad at the Christmas family meal.

Everything was fun with him because he never stopped joking and refused to see the serious side of life. This was the perfect balance to my hyper sensitivity and I used to wish I'd grow up to be like him.

My uncle, my grandad and me at my other uncles wedding.

The last time I ever danced with my grandad.

For a while he was in the Freemasons and when he was promoted, he held a Ladies Evening. I was so excited as it felt like other people could see how important my grandad was, otherwise, why would they have promoted him? I was only about 10 years old. He made me and my sister the Ladies of the Evening. It was like confirmation that he thought we were awesome and I was so excited to be part of it. Secretly he told me it was a load of rubbish and fuss for nothing. It was very like him to keep even the most grand thing down to earth. He left them not long after as he found it too money oriented.

Once we moved away from Liverpool, weekly visits were no longer possible. I went my own way and though it was clearly a 'bad' way to go, he let me, knowing it was for my greater good. He always let me return when I needed him and never questioned me on it. My safe place was always reserved.

In later years when nana passed away, I took up weekly phone calls with him and this is when I got to know him best of all.

Not only did he have a heart of gold, helping people out for free, but he also had a positivity and acceptance of life that many seek but never find. 

He was a healer, a teacher and also was psychic like his parents, though he never pursued them as a career as he didn't want money and was content with what little he had.

At a time when I was a very poor single mum with little prospects and often not enough to pay the bills as well as eat, he was a great example to me that no matter how little you have materially, you always have something to give.   

In my early twenties, he told me that when you die your soul goes on and that without the physical body you can manifest much quicker anything you want. He added the caveat that you wouldn't want anything because there is such bliss after death. He said it was like waving someone off on a boat to go on holiday, when they leave you can't see them, but you know they still exist and that they're having fun. I was fascinated.

Grandad on one of his holidays that he loved to go on with my aunty and uncle.

I decided to follow his example and started a more spiritual life, looked for the positives and stopped resenting that I was working my butt off for next to no money. The change in my outlook sparked a change in my life, of course. So, whether it was conscious or not, he gifted me a better life through empowerment. 

He encouraged my spiritual growth and he was very pleased when I followed in his steps as a healer, telling me to "try it as a job" and "don't have any regrets".

Unfortunately, by this stage he had lost his eyesight as well as his health. Typical of him to have a deaf rescue dog when he himself was blind.

I was privileged enough to be able to give him reiki whilst he prepared to leave his body. One time he was out of it from the drugs he was on and wasn't making much sense. There was a break in this - a moment of clarity - he stopped and said "Thank you, Louey". This was the nickname he gave me when I was little. Somehow I knew that was him saying goodbye. I had lots to say, but I said nothing and allowed him to carry on his journey peacefully instead.

Grandad sailed on his ship on 11th October 2014 and can hereby be contacted via postcards from Heaven only.

When he passed I felt alone and misunderstood again, but he came through like he always did. He's been giving me healing and has joined in sometimes when I've given healing. He told me he is my Guide now. I've seen more of him recently than I did when he was in his physical form.  If you see me laughing for no reason, it'll be because grandad is telling me a joke or taking the mickey.

A card I selected after grandad told me he was one of my Guides.

Grandad was the glue of the family. He insisted on organising a family meal every Christmas, so we would all stay in touch. He always knew what everyone was up to and he would keep us all up to date. I hope to organise a meal this year to carry on his tradition.

I realised when I went through the photos that I always sat next to grandad at family get togethers. It wasn't a deliberate thing but we sat together at all of them. I may leave the place next to me empty this year as a tribute to the fact that no-one can take his place.

This man gave so much to me and others, he lived a simple life, wasn't remotely materialistic, but was positive and happy. A lot can be learned from this approach.

Thank you grandad from my healing bereaved heart, for understanding me without words, accepting me both without and through change, teaching by example and comforting me without the need to ask. Until our ships meet again....



More like this:

The Day My Nana Passed Away

We Live and We Learn

10 Lessons in Parenting That my Parents Taught Me

Bereavement - Fighting Your Way Out of The Dark

Picking Up The Pieces

Warning: If you are a survivor of abuse of any kind, or just a sensitive soul, this post may be a trigger. Please only read on if you're in a very good place.

It's been many years since I was last raped. I should be over it by now. Should be. I should feel strong because I've survived, because I've come so far. Should do.

I know it will never happen again, so I shouldn't flinch every time I meet a new man. Shouldn't. 

I should be able to choose a film to watch without having to check the content first. I should be able to watch the rape scene, it only insinuates what happens - it doesn't come close to the reality. Should be able to.

I shouldn't spend the rest of my life feeling ugly and unworthy. I should love the body I'm in. Should.

I should find it in my heart to forgive. I should.

I should have a day where I don't replay the many attacks I suffered and question why. I shouldn't waste my time wondering if they ever do the same. Shouldn't.

If it happens that many times, it's your own fault. It's my own fault.

I shouldn't blame myself. I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't?

I did what I could at the time to stop it. I did.

My best wasn't good enough. It wasn't enough.

I should stop searching for the pieces of me that were taken. I should.

I should know that I'm always safe. I should.

Clothes shopping should be fun, not a chore to keep me covered up but fitting in with fashion and other girls. I shouldn't be too ashamed for anyone to think I made an effort to look good. I shouldn't be.

A word, an action, a movement from someone shouldn't make me freeze with fear. It shouldn't.

I should believe in myself more. I know I deserve better. I know it.

They can't hurt me now. They can't?

I control what happens to me and how I feel about it. I control it?

I should sleep soundly every night and not have nightmares. I should.

My first waking feeling shouldn't be one of shame for who I am and how they've moulded me. It shouldn't be.

I should be able to report them and know justice will be done. I should.

I should recognise and navigate the healing journey with ease. I should.

I shouldn't get upset at how the media portrays women. It shouldn't worry me that there's a culture of rape jokes and pressure on women to join in or be seen as unattractive. I shouldn't lose my sense of humour? I shouldn't?

I should know time heals everything. It's been years and years. I just need to take every long drawn out day as it comes. I do.

I shouldn't feel uncomfortable with a room full of strangers, as if they know I'm tarnished and not 'normal'. I shouldn't.

I shouldn't have written this like some kind of victim. I shouldn't remind people of their own vulnerability and pain. I shouldn't.

I shouldn't secretly hope that rapists read it and change. It's pointless and I shouldn't.

I should be over it by now so no-one has to worry. They don't have to worry.

I should find joy in each moment. I should.

I shouldn't hide this from everyone like everything is OK. I've forgotten what OK is. I've forgotten.

I should have made sense of it all by now. I should have, but I'm still picking up the pieces.

I know everything happens for a reason. I know.

I believe in the balance of experience for the soul (karma). I believe.

I can see the divine in everything. I can see it.

I have grown immensely through all of this. I have.

Every day I get closer to forgiving. Every day.

I'm getting better at loving myself. I am.

I let more people in than ever before. I do.

I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't been through this. I wouldn't.

I stand up for myself more. I do.

I'm making progress all the time. I am.

One day I will be free. I will.

Because of this, I am able to help people. I am a better healer myself. I am.

I will keep going and I won't give up. I won't. 

Where there's a will, there's a way. I have the will. If only I knew the way.

I have fleeting moments where I think death is preferable. I must be depressed and need a pill. I must be.

I must be crazy to still hurt like this. Must be.

It's good to let it all out. I'm letting it all out. 

I can use this for the greater good. I can. 

I'm picking up the pieces that were violently ripped out of me and trampled on many times, many years ago. As if I didn't count. I didn't get a say about me and my body. I didn't get to control what happened to me. I didn't get to have power. I didn't get heard. I wasn't worth it. I was such a bad person that I was chosen to be damaged like that. I was picked on. I was used and forgotten about. I was hurt. Still am.

Rape survivors need a voice. Can you hear me?

Written on an ordinary day dealing with the aftermath of rape.

Every day women, men and children all over the globe are raped. There is little to no support available. Justice is almost impossible to prevail. Healing is complex and has no real end. There isn't anything like enough services to deal with the demand. 

It took a tremendous amount of courage to write about life after rape and publish it. If you read this blog post please would you consider donating any amount here to Rape Crisis, a charity that helps and supports rape survivors. https://www.justgiving.com/Louise-Hall10

There is little understanding of the subject. Rapists walk free and commit again and again because they know as well as their victims do, it can't be proven, no-one wants to know, no-one wants to get caught up in the mess left behind. Who can blame them? One place that can help if you or someone you know needs support  is http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/

My hope is that in writing this a greater understanding will be met; that I will heal some more and maybe start a healing process in others, that some funds will be raised for charity and that the taboo of rape and life after it will be broken. Please help if you can. 

More like this:

Silence Speaks a Thousand Words

Moving House is One of the Most Stressful Things in Life?

International Day for Eliminating Violence Against Women


Fear - The Enemy Within

What it Means to Heal

There are many interpretations of what it means to heal. For the purpose of this blog post, I have written about my own personal viewpoint on what healing is to me.

So many people ask me what I do for a living and when I tell them I'm a healer, they ask me to 'fix' a physical ailment for them. This is a sign of the times. We are all looking for the quick fix, the magic pill, the way-out...

It pains me that I witness lots of 'lost' people, who have stagnated; can't find their way or face the real them, in order to truly heal.

Don't get me wrong, we all have wounds we're not ready to excavate yet. This is normal. I'm talking about when we know we have the wounds, we've been ready for a while, but we outright refuse to ever excavate them. Instead we put on a brave face and pretend all is OK. In this scenario it is usual for that person to have an addiction/obsession that distracts them from the real work that needs doing and provides a mask for them. Something like; smoking, drinking, taking drugs, excessive dieting, over exercising, sleeping around, big beauty routines, workalholism, comfort eating, shopping mania - those sort of things - usually under the disguise of being something they love or for health reasons, which they will believe to be true. It prevents them from having time to honestly face what they don't like about themselves - the pain - the shame - the hurt - the anger - the resentment - the unworthiness - the lack of self love - the list goes on.... I refer to these unacknowledged aspects of self as 'darkness'. I know this because I used to be able to tick off that list a fair few of those distractions myself. All the addictions do is serve as plaster over the cracks. 

Here, in the West, we're used to quick fixes due to our fast-paced lives and so we think of healing as curing something, in other words, removing it from existence and pretending it isn't there anymore. A fast-track avoidance technique.

Healing in the West is associated with the physical and easily tangible, because this is more measurable and as such manageable. It flatters to deceive that all is well. When I refer to healing, I do not refer to this type of healing. 

Root cause is rarely looked at, nor do we look passed the most inconvenient aspect of what's bothering us. 

Most of us work and in work there are standardised policies detailing how certain illnesses and life changes should be dealt with. Within them are set timescales for how long someone can be expected to be away from work and what support they might need. This is another aspect of cure, not heal. Trying to second guess how something should affect someone and how entitled they are to help with it. It's the sticking plaster effect. Stating how long someone has to get over (and on) with something. After that it's covered up and forgotten about. Not allowing any extra time to deal with it.

Healing isn't like that. Quite simply because life isn't like that. It's more complex than that. One thread leads to another, it's all inter-linked.

My view on healing is that it's uncovering layer upon layer of darkness to be made conscious, worked through and eventually, when the time is right, released to the light. 

It's the search for the lesson; the positive, the rhyme and reason, the chance to grow and evolve. The getting to know yourself again and again...through every falsehood - a quest for the truth. The creation of a deepening of the knowledge of your soul and your journey.

It's never ending with no real destination. We can't force ourselves to heal, but at the same time, too much delaying or denial isn't helpful, as we need to at least be honest with ourselves. It helps too, to have a good rummage in the things you thought you'd dealt with, as it's highly likely that you actually haven't. In my experience, we tell ourselves we are done with our 'stuff', when the real work is about to begin. A strange sort of protection we offer ourselves, like an opt-out, whilst in flight or fight.

If you can't shine a light on the aspects of you, that you don't really like, you'll never learn to love yourself fully. Without love we can not heal. After all, love is healing in action. The very process of evolution, the intention to honestly improve something, to change it for the greatest good....is all that is needed to start the healing motion and spark a deeper love affair with you. A simple barometer to use is this: if it isn't love based, it doesn't belong to you and as such it needs healing.

When we face our pain, we face our shadow selves and though this can be difficult, when done diligently, there is nothing more liberating than resolving to change the past; rewriting our history - re-telling our story in a more positive light and seeing through the eyes of grace, the beauty in the hidden depths of us.

The real shame is that we've been taught not to go there, instead, to make do. To somehow bury our hurts as if they're not a valid part of us too. This sometimes is displayed in us like this:

* the feeling we've been shaken up by something but we don't allow it to shake us up for long (root chakra)
* like repressed feelings (sacral chakra)
* that sinking feeling that we suppress in our gut (solar plexus)
* the defense we put up instead of being open (heart chakra)
* the lump in our throat that we swallow down (throat chakra)
* the realisation / wisdom about something but we choose to ignore it in case it causes change (brow/crown chakra)

All too often we can't find the time, space or strength to look within and begin the unravelling of the traumas, the misdemeanours, the things that didn't turn out how we wanted them to, and start to make genuine sense of them.

We are not conditioned to see things as 100% us, but instead to accept them as something that happened to us, not through us. 

The power is all ours to change our lives, but since our lives are just a reflection of what's inside of us, a play out of our own energy, we can't expect big changes on the outside if we don't do the work on the inside first.

Being a healer means this process is taken out of your hands and you find yourself on auto-pilot examining every facet of your being over and over again. Rather like a computer anti-virus software scanning for threats. This is the way of the healer, working noon and night to heal themselves, so that you, may too, be healed. It's a type of energy exchange in a lead by example kind of way.

Healing is freedom; in the absence of judgement, there is discernment, in the facing of fears, there is love, in the acceptance, there is forgiveness and in the forgiveness there is letting go, in the letting go you become free.

Take a peek at your darkest moments, for in looking at them, you are allowing yourself to make good from them. In ignoring them, you give them power.

The analogy I use with my clients is this: if you want a beautiful garden, you have to regularly dig out the weeds and tend to the garden. 

Written with passion for my life purpose of healing. Sending healing thoughts to those who have not consciously chosen to heal yet. I hope you find your way to the miracle of a better you.

To heal is to truly transform from the inside out.

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What is Reiki?

An Introduction to Working With the Angels - Workshop

Ever wanted to know how to connect with, invoke and work with angels? 

Curious and want to know more about what angels are and how they work?

Want to learn some easy techniques for using angels to help you all day, every day? 

This transformational workshop is for you.

Don't delay, book today!

True Transformations Reiki is offering this fun packed interactive workshop at a bargain price of just £20 per person, payable via PayPal.

The workshop is taking place at The Healing Temple of Light, Penwortham, Preston, UK and can be booked via truetransformations@outlook.com

The workshop will cover: 

* What are angels
* Popular types of angels
* How and why to ground yourself
* Unique ways for you to personally invoke and connect with angels
* How angels work and communicate with us
* Signs from angels
* Best practice - what to ask for, what not to ask for!
* Not getting what you want, why this might be and what to do about it
* Some basic angelic techniques and a chance to practice them

Plus, much more....

Light refreshments will be provided for this half day workshop running 9.30am - 1.30 pm on Saturday 1st November 2014.

Louise has been working closely with angels since she was a very little girl and here she wants to share some of her knowledge with you, so you too can benefit from the love and light of our angelic friends.

The course is aimed at beginners or those already working with angels who want to learn more about them.

Places are very limited, so to guarantee yours, contact Louise at True Transformations today. Payment is required to secure your place.

10 Lessons in Parenting That my Parents Taught Me

Parents. Whether we know them, or not, we all have them. Let's face it, our relationship with our parents is one of the most complex we'll ever have. Nature dictates that we love them. Karmic ties dictates that it won't be that simple! 

How people choose to bring up their children is incredibly unique and personal. Some more unique than others...we've all witnessed THAT parent swearing at or even hitting their child in public. 

No matter how bad it looks or what anyone has done, you can be sure the parent is doing their best at that time. There may also be karmic or Soul Contract reasons for their behaviour, that we know nothing about and have no right to judge.

The truth is, we mostly learn to be parents by being parents and so we get better with time, rather than being good at it when there's a need to be. 

Over the years collectively we change the way parenting looks. What was considered 'right' years ago, isn't now and so on...

My parents taught me so much and though I was often taught the hard way, I'm grateful for all they've done for me. Below are 10 lessons that I believe brought about early soul evolution within me and for that I'm particularly grateful for:

1) Independance. My parents have never disempowered me by 'fixing' things for me. This lesson carried right through to my adulthood, though they act as a sounding board when I have problems, they will never step in, take over and sort these problems for me. The beauty of this is that I don't need them to - because they taught me not to need them to. On a practical level, though devastating, when they die, I'll be able to cope with any of life's issues without them.

2) Manners and gratitude. This isn't just about going through the notions, it's about being taught to care about the effect I have on others. My parents taught me to be considerate and more importantly, they taught me why. My mum would talk me through what people did for me so I understood any sacrifices made and would be appropriately grateful. In this busy life, things can get taken for granted easily and this foundation helps me not to do that. 

A lot of children barely utter the word "thanks" these days and even less mean it.

3)  To be myself. This was especially hard since I'm a twin. From the start our parents let us choose our own clothes which paved the way for us having our own identity. My mum used to say "You're not a doll for me to dress up. You're a human being." If I liked something different I was praised for it. When I got teased for being me (different), I was always offered reassurance that there was nothing wrong with me. I wasn't allowed to do grown up things when I was a child and this further reinforced that it was OK to be me and not a grown up.

Peer pressure to be more grown up than you are, to look a certain way and to do certain things, is worse than ever, since children have access to it all day and night. They're a marketer's dream.  Plus, parents don't want their children to be left out or stand out. My question is...why not? Our uniqueness is what makes us who we are.

4) All people matter. I was never a 'princess'. I wasn't allowed to get too big for my boots, or for the world to revolve around me. I was taught that everyone matters and that I'm not any better or worse than others. My mum is an empath like me and she used this quality to teach me about other people, rather than focusing on myself all the time. I was given the skill of understanding myself in relation to others and being down to earth as a consequence. 

I was taught to be kind to everyone. This was especially true with family. I wasn't allowed to be mean to my siblings. This showed me that all people and their feelings are relevant and matter. If you can't get away with it at home, then you won't try and get away with it outside of home.

With the joy of a new arrival, it's easy to put the baby on a pedestal and then very hard to take them down thereafter. If we don't take them down, it leads to self-centred adults who can't cope in a world that isn't all about them. Not that children shouldn't be loved and celebrated, just that there's a fine line between that and adulation, which is unhealthy.

5) Mistakes are good. If you're a regular reader of my blog, you'll know what I'm a serial mistake maker. What better way to learn? I believe mistakes aren't even mistakes, they're necessary growth spurts on way to our purpose. I wouldn't be capable of knowing that, if I hadn't been allowed to go my own way, do my own thing and make mistakes.

So often, parents have it all planned out for their children, usually something like this....school, college (part-time job), uni (travel if they're privileged), predictable 'good' job, marriage, 2.4 children. Nice safe, mistake-free plan, there's nothing wrong with wanting what we perceive to be 'best' for our children, but it's hardly entrepreneurial. It doesn't encourage the person to really live life to the fullest or to discover their true potential.  

A bit like keeping them in a playpen for the rest of their lives, for fear of what they might encounter in the playroom.

6) Presents and money don't make you happy. They can bring temporary joy and excitement, which feels like happiness to those who haven't experienced real happiness. I never got expensive gifts or lots of presents. I got just as excited as other children at xmas and birthdays and have many good memories from these, which are connected to sustainable things such as good times with family and friends - not what I 'got'.

My parents didn't allow me to equate belongings to my self esteem and this has stood me in good stead as an adult. As we all know money and gifts come and go. I don't hang my hopes for happiness on external factors and this is purely down my early life experiences. 

These days a lot of parents only seem to be (fake) happy if they're indulging their children in some 'over the top' way. If parents themselves can't be happy without the grand gesture, how can they expect their children to even be satisfied, let alone, happy? The large gift pit is a never ending hole that can't be filled and distracts you from real happiness. So, why start the pit in the first place?

7) Boundaries and respect. What my mum and dad said, went. I'm a rebellious soul with strong ideals so my parents had a torrid time trying to enforce their boundaries. Credit to them, though, they did enforce them at all costs. It taught me to be more careful what battles I chose and to listen to and to respect people.

These days some parents want their children to like them, not respect them. No-one wants to set tough rules that go against their childrens upper most wishes. Instead, it's all about fun, fun, fun and keeping the child from any disappointment whatsoever, which is great, but unfortunately, we live in a world full of rules that have to be obeyed and there will always be disappointments. You can't expect kids that have never had boundaries to react well to a world full of rules and disappointment, as adults. 

Instead there's often a kind of silent agreement between parent and child that the rules will be ones that are easy for the children to obey, to save from any confrontation or difficulty. There's often also no reprisal for children that go against set rules and this too is not going to help them later in life. 

8) Responsibility. If I did something wrong, I made up for it and I don't mean I got grounded - I mean, I found a way to make right what I did wrong. My parents have never helped me to the point that I'm not really doing things for myself. In fact anything I did, I took responsibility for it. Whether that meant I got punished or praised or just outright lumbered with tasks to do, it happened. This gave me the self belief that I could do anything, after all, my parents wouldn't leave it all to me if I wasn't capable.

I don't believe anything in my life is anybody elses responsibility and that belief empowers me way beyond the easiness of not taking responsibility.

Often people teach children that anything they don't like in life, is someone elses fault. This isn't the case, since our whole world is a reflection, a lesson, on who we are internally. Only when we take full responsibility can we change things. 

9) It's good to give. From a young age I was taught to give and to share. Sharing my birthday with my sister helped a lot with this as I learnt to share her joy and not to only think of myself.

I did volunteer work for charities from a very young age and I loved it. I like helping people and this was encouraged. I was taught that being mean and defensive, is no defence at all. 

We live in a world where children are often encouraged to be hard, to hit back, to never give to anyone or forgive and this turns the whole world hard and we can't live like that, since everything we do is connected. A different perspective, would get a different outcome, more of the same... generates...more of the same.

If one person suffers, we all suffer, as that suffering energy lingers and prevents us from experiencing good vibes and the good things that come with those vibes.

10) Emotions are normal and ok. I wasn't really allowed to watch TV since it's a false representation of life and my astute parents knew that. Instead I learnt about people and their emotions the real way - in the home. My parents didn't hide their emotions. If they were sad - they cried, happy - they smiled, angry - they shouted.

This taught me the full range of emotions and that it's safe to feel them and admit to them. 

When a pet died, it died. No-one went rushing out to the pet shop to get a look-a-like and pretend it didn't happen. No-one desperately tried to stop me from feeling sad about it with distractions and replacements. I felt every bit of pain and this taught me that I can survive anything because emotions are just markers that show us what to do next in life.

Many parents are so desperate for their children to only experience what they perceive to be 'good' emotions, that they go out their way to try and create a fairytale life for them filled with everything they could ever dream of. This is not real life and as such it is not preparation for the real world.

You can see from my list that I had quite an extreme upbringing, that it was full of lessons - both for my parents and me. However, I'm so grateful, as that childhood has given me such good life skills and coping techniques. 

To find happiness in this dual universe you need harmony and for that you need to experience extremes, so you can then find your balance point - the bit in the middle that is true to you. By allowing me to experience extremes, my parents allowed me to find true happiness.

So many times now parents shelter their children and won't allow them any extremes apart from joy. It's impossible for this to lead to happiness as the polarity driven universe won't allow it that way. 

I hope our collective way of parenting brings about change back to some of the old fashioned ways, so we can have less spoilt adults that don't cope well with life and more well rounded adults that are unique and enabled to create a better world for us all to live in. 

Predictably, this blog post is dedicated to my mum and dad for being awesome at the hardest job in the world - parenting. Thank you. 


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