How To Be Assertive

From the earliest days I remember, I always found joy in giving. I was the one who liked looking after babies, nursing the sick and making castles so the fairies wouldn't be homeless. I volunteered for the NSPCC and I empathised deeply with anyone and everyone I met, even though in this life I hadn't experienced what they'd been through, I replicated their feelings in mine without choosing to do so - it just happened. Whilst this was a nifty trick, it brought about problems.

In school I was easy pickings for those that way inclined. I gave away my belongings freely and I'd do anything to avoid a fight. Rather than making me angry, I was elevated that I'd been able to make someone else happy and I felt their happiness, the same way I picked up on every other emotion. How it made me feel never occurred to me.

At night I would pray for everyone I'd seen or heard about that day that needed help, including what I'd seen on the news. One of my guardian angels, Grace, would sit behind me, to my left side whilst I did this and I would sense her joy at being given work to do. It felt like a wonderful partnership we had going.

During my teenage years it got more complicated as people would push for what they wanted and I'd had little practice at saying "no". The only defence I felt I could form was a facade of being 'hard' and as if it didn't matter what happened to me. I could handle it. This was related to the fact I felt they wanted to hurt me, so I needed them to believe they couldn't. The truth is, they didn't want to hurt me, but instead just wanted what they wanted and that was it - no second thought for any consequences.

Once I became a mother my shyness and lack of assertiveness were too dangerous to keep. I knew I needed to start sticking up for myself and my baby and to be a good example too. I was so crippled by shyness and a feeling of inadequacy that even getting a bus would make me sick with nerves, as I'd have to ask for may fare in front of everyone and potentially have to speak to get off the bus. 

If someone spoke to me I would go crimson red and wouldn't answer at all! I actually lost jobs because of this.

Finally, now I'm older, I can see clearly that compassion doesn't mean giving up your needs and rights, to serve others. It's important to help each other out, but not at your own compromise.

Knowing your own boundaries, what matters to you and how far you're willing to go, is key.

I now give myself full permission to stand in my own power, to release the 'rescuer' role I've played for so long. Nothing feels better than being your own best friend.

Something else I've learnt is that being bolshy, loud or angry is actually aggressive, not assertive, as many confuse it to be.

Likewise, sulking, hinting and manipulating is passive aggressive, not assertive.

To be truly assertive we know and accept our limits, we respect everyone and we don't allow ourselves to get caught in drama. We voice this calmly and clearly with no regrets.

Forgiveness is a fundamental part of being assertive. Forgive others and move on without adding the caveat that you "won't forget". More important than that forgive yourself and only see life as a combination of experiences and lessons.

Don't forget that everyone you meet has come to you to teach you something about yourself. And yes, I do include the people you don't like in that.

The festive season is a time when boundaries get tested. Stay in your truth and don't let the fear of consequences or reactions stop you.

Have a fabulous fun and assertive break. I'll be back in the new year. 

Channelled Healing Songs And Poems During Reiki

It is true that reiki healing gives you what you need to heal your life on every level. Reiki is intelligent and it knows best what is helpful for the greater good and it goes ahead and gives this to you. Just another reason to have complete detachment from the outcome of the healing.

Sometimes this can be quite strange and I often now find myself being intuitively directed by it to do some funny things whilst healing. My neighbours, if they don't already, must think I'm crazy, as reiki gets me to do yogaesque poses, make strange sounds and place my hands in different positions to the traditional ones taught. I pull and push un-useful energy from my aura and help reiki on it's way through my system, usually looking like a scene from the exorcist as I do it. A normal day in this mad house.

More recently it has been focussed on healing my throat chakra, which is often blocked/off-balance. To do this it has decided that I must sing to make vibrations with my throat and this is the cruelest thing it could choose for me, as I really, really, am not a pretty singer!

During these healing sessions it has started to connect me more strongly to angelic energy and I've now been given two healing songs/poems channelled from Archangel Raphael. I plan to keep a log of these and have them published into a book, but for now I want to share them with all of you, as you'd imagine they are beautifully written by our angel friends.

The songs are probably personal to my own healing, but I know they will resonate with many others. I hope they provide healing comfort for you too.

With thanks to Archangel Raphael angel for the healing words and sounds provided.

For more, quotes, photos, stories and posts go to www.facebook.com/MeMySoulAndEye

What It's Like To Be A Twin

People often ask me "What's it like to be a twin?". I tell them it's awesome, which it is, but really, how do I know any different? It's like me asking them "What's it like to not be a twin?".

To some extent I can answer the question. There is nothing I won't do for my twin sister and I want her life to be as brilliant as you can imagine and I want this for always. I've no personal agendas with her, no need for anything in return and there's no competition. Note: this is only true now - you should have seen us when the latest Barbies came out, when we were kids!

For someone on a spiritual path this is rather handy, as ultimately, this is how Soul views us all (no separation). We all come from the same Source, everything we do sends ripples out to the world and has an affect on those around us. So, the aim is to realise this and to work together to raise the vibration, so we all experience a better way of living. The difficulty being that a false sense of duality and our Ego's often get in the way.

I'm not suggesting we all want horrid things to happen to others, but we must admit that we're often indifferent due to the fact that we're too bogged down in our own lives and goals, to help others, unless it's a matter of urgency.

So that's what it's like to be a twin and some of what can be learnt from it.

Now, let me tell you a funny story from Junior school: Me and my sister would swap on the stairs on the way to class and she'd go to my maths class and I'd go to her english class (she liked maths, I liked english). No-one spotted this. I've suffered for this very cunning error of judgement on our parts. Can I add up? Can I heck! That's not why I did so bad at my maths GCSE though, that's another story, for another time, or maybe not...!

In our younger years we were so connected to each other that during a rare fight, I hurt my sister and I felt the pain whilst she was pain-free. Served me right!

Me my twin and I, in a more amicable and pain-free moment

When I gave birth to my son, my sister had pains but managed to sleep, but she woke up at the exact time, that I actually gave birth, early in the morning, right down to the very minute. She just knew.

Over the years when something has upset my sister I've known without being near her or speaking to her. We are very tuned-in to what's happening in each others worlds.

As very small children we spoke to spirits, played with energy and our auras together. We even had our own language, which sadly, we don't remember much of, just that we had it.

In High School when we had to do a 'talk' to the class we did a joint one on what it's like to be a twin. We did an experiment where a member of the class wrote down a number and showed one of us it. The other twin guessed it. We got it right every time. To others this was pretty cool but to us this was normal.

Slightly more grown-up "us". I'll leave you to guess who is who...

The thing is, our greatest teachers are those around us. If you honestly think about someone you don't like and really examine what it is you don't like about them, you will find it is connected to something you either think about yourself or an issue about you, that you haven't dealt with yet. Try it on the quiet and if you're honest, you'll see what I mean. Conversely, if you think about something you admire in another, you'll find it is a quality you have developed quite well in yourself.

We are all mirrors, our souls reflect back at each other things we need to learn, to help us.

We are reflections of what is inside each other

Perhaps the greatest gift I've ever been given is the gift of being a twin and seeing our unity with others, first hand, from day one.

I'm so lucky to have another version of me, that is so obviously another version of me, to learn from. However, I mustn't forget that everyone is just another version of me, experiencing a different reality in the same place. This is true for all of us. Phew! That was a tongue-twister.

Have a bit of fun and think of a celebrity that gets on your nerves, get to the root of why and then compare it openly to yourself. See if you can find the lesson in there. I'm confident you will.

Let's celebrate those around us and what they can teach us, even if they are very irritating!

It goes without saying, this blog post is dedicated to my amazing twin sister, for the lessons she has taught me, for the bossiness that meant I got things done in the early years (when I otherwise wouldn't have), the endless support and love that never goes away and for doing my maths for me! Love you always and forever.

To all my brothers and sisters out there, have a fabulous day.  

Throwback Thursday

#ThrowbackThursday is a popular theme on social network sites such as Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. Normally you tag an old photo of yourself and we all laugh at how silly you look. However, I thought I'd use it to have a think about how things used to be for me not that long ago.

This will be a short and sweet post about last year and my life then, as it was, working in an office. 

The office where I used to work

The way we used to be

Looking back got me thinking about the fantastic colleagues I used to work with and the camaraderie in the office. I wasn't being nostalgic. In fact I'm far happier and healthier now than I ever was back then: instead I was thinking about how well we all worked together toward a goal and what a shame it is that people will often do this in work, but not so often for the greater good of society. 

Back in the good 'ol days we had all worked together for years and years. We were once described as a "one-floor family", which is terribly cheesy but was true. The one-floor family won awards and attracted visitors from all over who wanted in on our 'secret' to success. We'd go through the rigmarole of showing them around and wowing them with our brilliant staff and ideas, but what we evaded to tell them was the real secret - that secret was unity. Unity. That simple. It's amazing what you can do when you drop personal agendas, refuse to pass judgement on another and simply work for the best outcome. 

We all had our strengths and we used these for the greater good of the office.

It might just have been because we were eternally under threat of redundancy or maybe we were the perfect mix of personalities, who knows and who cares? It worked. 

It ended on a high

Eventually the threat of redundancy became a reality and the one-floor family pulled together one last time to find everyone a new job. Normally, you'd expect competition here but it wasn't like that at all. People going for interviews for the same job freely offered tips, advice and support to what should have been their competitor. And you know what? It all worked out beautifully.

It occurs to me that if we can all learn to be more like this in our every day lives, the world would be a better place. 

That's just a thought for my throwbackthursday. 

In the new year I'll be looking for a temporary job and I hope to work with people as special as those I once worked with. 

If you're reading this and you used to work with me, I hate you really. :)

Me looking suitably ridiculous for a Throwback Thursday photo. This was our office fundraising day for Children in Need in 2008. I'm a ladybug, in case you can't tell. 

Past Lives: How the past is an illusion that can affect the future

Let me start by saying that I don't really believe in the past or the future. There is only ever what is happening here, now, in the present. How so? If you think about it, it's all about perception, our perception of what happened in the past is liable to change and therefore it is only ever the same in that present moment. As for the future, well, that hasn't happened until it happens and then that's no longer the future, but actually the present. See what I mean?

Time is a human Ego structure

Add to this that time is a very human Ego constraint, or structure, if you prefer. In the Spirit World there's no such thing as time. Can you imagine a soul with a watch?

This explains why spirits show up any time they like and often completely inconvenient times like the dead of the night, whilst you're in the bath, driving....they also can be heard/felt easier when this dimension goes quiet, but that's another topic for another time.

Why do spirits turn up at special occasions?

That's because your thoughts / intentions (energy) have drawn them there, not because they knew what date or time it was. It is comforting to think they wanted to see us get married, or whatever else we're doing at that time, though.

What is a past life?

At any one 'time' we are experiencing simultaneous multiple realities. Some say this is what causes deja vu, but I think it's actually one side of the brain processing faster than the other side, myself. 

Inside all of us within our energy imprint there's incredible wisdom from all the lessons of 'past' lives. If you knew someone who'd lived hundreds of different lives in many different realities, you'd trust them for advice, wouldn't you? Yet, we find it so hard to trust our intuition and we seek answers outside of us. This is perhaps one of the biggest growth areas, certainly for me and maybe for all?

However, if you flip it on its head and think about all the things that happen to us during these lives, maybe that's where the lack of trust comes from... a fear of how the lesson may present itself.

I wonder if we can put this fear aside and trust our intuition, maybe even tap into the Collective Consciousness for answers, what would our lives look like then?

A revelation about one of my past lives

All around my house are pictures of Geisha, books, screensavers, DVDs...as a child on visiting the World Garden Festival in Liverpool, I would run fastest to the oriental garden. I would be drawn to the oriental tea in the gift shop like other kids were drawn to Lego.

During a meditation class we were guided to access a past life and I was told that I was a Japanese prostitute and longed to be a Geisha, but I wasn't deemed good enough to join the Geisha elite. Contrary to popular belief Geisha are not prostitutes, girls who are not pretty or artistic enough to make it as a Geisha become prostitutes instead. Bingo! That's where my Geisha obsession comes from.

It even goes some way to explaining my karma see here for Blog post on karma and my inferiority complex see here for Blog post re Lower Self/Inferiority Complex

As it sunk in, I also realised that as a child in dance class I thought I wasn't as good as the other girls, despite the fact I wasn't 'bad' at it, at all. Could this 'past' life experience be the key to why? Who knows but it's certainly given me food for thought.

Celebrate life as it happens

Whenever possible celebrate all you have here and now, as this is all you have and who knows what will change in the next moment?

If you can train your thoughts (energy) to perceive everything to be as it should be, you'll find an acceptance that brings about peace like nothing else. I'm still working on it, but I hope to get there one day and I hope you do too.

I'd love to hear your past life stories, so please leave a comment to share yours. I'm always open to discussion and learning from others and welcome comments on the blog.

More like this:

Bereavement - Fighting Your Way Out of The Dark

Making Peace With The Past