It all started a long time ago, in my very early teens. Somehow I managed to dodge the rife drug taking in my new small town high school for months and still retain a small amount of kudos. However, inside the peer pressure was building.
I felt more and more lost, less and less at home and the pressure to live up to the made up communities rules of drug taking and promiscuity mounted.
The turning point came when I started going out with someone older than me. I was caught in an abusive relationship that was disguised as Love's Young Dream. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple and were even jealous of us. This confused me no end.
I didn't know how to stop the abuse though I spent many nights awake trying to come up with a plan. The answer, or so I thought, presented itself to me one night.
Surrounded by people older and cooler than me, my boyfriend got a vinyl record out unannounced and proceeded to chop up drugs on it. He then wrapped the drugs in a cigarette paper. I was shocked to see there were five - one for each of us. Like with all things in this relationship no discussion had taken place and I knew I was short of choices. Everyone eagerly took theirs and turned to watch me. I was torn. A natural people pleaser, I wanted to please the people.
Here I was given a perfect opportunity to say "no" and leave forever. On the other hand, if I could be more like them, the abuse might stop. Ridiculous logic, but I was only a child. I obediently took the wrap. Sliding doors and all that.
The drugs didn't work. They just made things worse. Instead of magically changing me to the grown up girlfriend who wouldn't be abused, they heightened my feelings and loosened my control. I became more withdrawn, my drug addled brain stopped working and I retreated into a fantasy world of drug fuelled "fun". I genuinely thought it was fun, but what you don't know when you're on drugs is that anything is fun compared to the low of a come down. It's not a great benchmark to be starting from. Contrary to popular belief, a come down doesn't end when the physical symptoms go (like hangovers), the low becomes the norm and lasts years - lifetimes, if you let it. People on drugs won't agree, stagnated by their loyalty to their habit.
The worse I got, the weirder I acted and the less support I had around me as 'friends' fell away. There was no-one I could trust and the drugs became my only friend.
At the time of taking them I honestly thought I was having the time of my life, that I'd been awakened to another level of life that was an exclusive private members club. Don't get me wrong, I have also had some very good nights on drugs. At the height of my drug taking I was taking twenty odd E's mixed with other drugs and alcohol on a night out. I don't do things by halves, not even drugs. My ego (false sense of self) was allowed to run free. So, I, like my drug taking mates thought that us drug takers were better than everyone else, and shh! don't tell them as they're too small minded to handle the truth. This is the effect the drugs have on you. It's all smoke and mirrors, no pun intended.
Now I'm on a spiritual path I can see that is all the illusion that your ego and the drugs create. The happiness, joy and unity felt whilst on the drugs is also fake - and actually conditional, so how can it be true?
Currently there's a growing trend for drugs that offer a spiritual way of life, DMT, trips, weed, they're all marketed as spiritual and awakening.
The thing with weed is people look to its native roots and the fact it's a plant, fair enough, but now it's mass produced and genetically modified. It also funds arms, human and terrorist trades. Spiritual? I'm sure Mother Earth is proud. If you watch what you eat then how is it different to watching what else you allow to contaminate your body.
Sure, trips (DMT included) break down constraints of belief systems taught to us, which is part of a spiritual path, but they don't allow a space for you to honestly discover your truth, so it's counter-productive. By taking chemicals to try and induce an adventure we're signalling to the universe that our own life is lacking that and we don't love ourselves. What you put out, you get back.
It's not that I'm against drugs (glasshouse? stone?), I just happen to be experienced in taking them and being clean, enough for me to pick my side. I don't take drugs anymore.
If you really want to get high and experience intense bliss, escape it all and break down the constraints of life, there's no better way than meditating. It's honestly that simple. In your own space is where you'll find everything you need to live an amazing life, full of truth, freedom, beauty and love...
Peace out.
.JPG)
