Keeping The Faith In Times Of Trouble

Ever felt like you were being tested? "These things were sent to 'try' us", that sort of thing?

During the past few weeks I have been 'tried' to about as much as I can take. I'm sure you've all had times like that? Maybe you're going through a time like that right now or know someone who is. I'm sending love out to any who are.

Want to know how it all started? Are you sitting comfortably? About 4 weeks ago, on a Friday, I was doing a reiki self-treatment when a very loud and clear message was received completely out of the blue. The message was..."Your cats mission here on earth is up. You got him to be a best friend to your son and now your son has a best friend at college." WHAT?! It was clear I was being forewarned to prepare for our cats departure. Devastated doesn't quite cover it. I sobbed and shook the whole way through the remainder of the treatment. My cat was perfectly healthy: I didn't understand the message.

The following Monday my cat was sick. I immediately took him to the vets. Even then everything seemed fine and the vet said the cat was incredibly healthy for a 16 year old, but his teeth need scraping and they'd want to do a 'dental'. It's normal practice to check older cats blood and urine before an op, so that's what happened.

Once the results were in, I was called but told I'd best go in for the results. By this time I was starting to fear (I know, I'm still battling that beast!) the worst.

I was told that our cat has renal failure and that they wouldn't want to do the op, as a result. All his issues were manageable so I was still hopeful he'd be OK.

Choose fear or faith

To try to put it into perspective, he is not 'just' a cat to us. He's the centre of our universe, everything in the house revolves around our love for him and has done for over 14 years. Rather like when someone has a new baby, but if that baby stayed a baby for all those years. Most people will understand this, but I know for some it will be incomprehensible to get so close to an animal.

 Our cat making himself comfy

 Our cat looking up at us with his big gold eyes

Our cat enjoying a good sleep and dream

There's something about people (or pets) passing over that I don't handle well at all. It's definitely something I need to work on. Strange really as I have regular conversations with one of my nanas that passed years ago. You'd think I'd handle it better than most, but for some reason...I don't!

So far we've had a few traumatic weeks of thinking todays the day he leaves, oh no it isn't, oh yes it is (not quite as pantomime as it sounds). Many of you will know the endless rollercoaster of emotions when someone is terminally ill.

Several other tests have been thrown in on the way, but I will not write about these. I've been on a low vibe so was bound to attract other nasty stuff in to my life too.

I got to breaking point, as our cat wouldn't eat and was seriously ill. I couldn't handle the upset any more and I was so angry about it all. It feels like this is part of my chosen path: a necessary lesson and so I took to my Asana (wool mat used for Shakti invoking meditation). I was too wound up to meditate. Instead I had what can only be described as a rant at Shakti, Shiva, reiki, angels and even the 'G' word (God). I wanted to know why, I needed help and I was giving up this stupid path anyway - everyone is leaving me, so why should I stay?

Archangel Metatron came to me and said he has another mission for my cat very soon and that he would look after him. Even this wasn't good enough for me. I felt guilty as I knew it would be hard for our cat too, but I was asking for support for me. I changed tack, I asked for healing for our cat and support to get him through.

I gave our cat regular reiki even though I knew it would help him leave his physical body. This taught me to trust reiki to do right by him and for me to surrender as the channel and reiki as the healer. I fully expected our cat to pass away soon, he deteriorated rapidly.

In the end the vet gave us 48 hours to get him well or bring him back into the surgery. I did another reiki and his condition worsened. It came to me to take him into the vets even though 12 hours, not 48, had passed. He was admitted as an emergency case and we all thought this was 'it'.

Our cat is now home and his kidney function is within normal range. The main issue is his teeth and if anti-biotics don't sort them, he will likely need that 'dental', but if he has it, he has a very good prognosis.

Things are not always as they seem

Essentially, I have learnt so much from this experience and although I haven't enjoyed it, I'm grateful for the lessons learnt:

* Surrender to reiki with complete detachment from the outcome. Reiki works in mysterious ways and in a funny way I think it was teaching me this.

* Ask for help when you need it i.e. before you die from a broken heart (don't expect anything less than drama from me!).

* In having the cat in cat hospital, we had 48 hours without him physically being here, we knew he was somewhere else but we couldn't see him. This was reiki giving us a trial run and proving we will survive when he passes, though it was very hard and I still dread the day.

* Sacrifice how I feel for the benefit of the person (or cat) who is really going through it i.e. we may be sad that someone is terminally ill, but it is not happening to us, it is happening to them.

* I should not panic at the first sign of something not going to my plan. The Universe is in charge of plans and is far better at it than me.

I've learnt lots more too but they're the key points. It's one none-stop learning-curve party in this house, let me tell you!

To anyone going through a 'rough patch', please try to have faith. God is on your side and even if you can't see a reason for what is going on, there will be one - it might just be a lesson for you, but remember only when the pupil is ready does the master appear.

  

Part Three: Shaktipat Initiation - A Blessing And More

Our Tuesday came and we had a lovely stroll through the beautiful Avenham Park in Preston. I did my usual and took lots of photos on the way - if you get me near water, I will always photograph the reflection of the moon or sun on the water - I love it!

One for the road! Taken at the very beautiful Avenham Park, Preston

When we got there we took a seat and I can tell you that Swami Nardanand Ji has a very special air about him. He is so radiantly peaceful and content, a real Guru. We learnt how he left his village in India as a small boy to start on a spiritual path studying esoteric arts such as yoga and meditation. Have to say that if these two things can make you even half as content as him, I thought they would be worth studying. Of course, true happiness comes from within but we all need a helping hand sometimes, right?

There was a short talk by the equally radiant, Swami Jyoti Ma. We gathered from this talk that there was an effortless way to become as content as Guruji and that he could help you to this by giving a simple blessing to you. This blessing would transfer the mindset of the Guru to you, without you having to do, well, anything...too good to be true? It was worth a try.

Our Guru, His Grace, Swami Nardanand Ji

The blessing was to be given at a meditation retreat in Preston with his Grace present. It all sounded perfect and the timing was great too as it was the bank holiday weekend and I knew my partner would come along to meditate as well.

The retreat itself was relaxed and there were lots of wonderful people there from all walks of life. We were both exhausted from stomping in a field to electronic music that weekend and we only just made it to the retreat at 8.30 am. In fact, for a moment we questioned whether to go or not, we were that tired (we're getting old now for raving in fields!). However, the blessing was better than I expected as I wasn't expecting to feel anything. As soon as I sat down after the blessing, I felt hot energy in my solar plexus (central energy vortex) and such intense bliss, I was concerned I might vomit and I didn't want to disturb everyone as they meditated.

What I didn't know then was what it had kick-started in me and what would follow, which to describe as intense simply doesn't do it justice.

To begin with Shakti (Goddess/Mother Divine) and Shiva (God/The Destroyer) start to fast-track clean your karma from all your lives and purify you. Shiva destroys anything no longer necessary in your life such as material attachments, toxic relationships etc. This process is tough - kind of like spiritual boot camp! My life has flashed before my eyes in freeze frames at super speed; emotions come and go quickly; intense memories startle me then leave just as quick; my mind thinks differently as it takes on the mind of my Guru - the world and my reality as I knew it begin to falter as I stumble through everyday activities foiled by startling realisations and a new level of consciousness that's indescribable.  

Shakti and Shiva working in harmony

I've been ill, so ill, for over three weeks with flu like symptoms, migraines and an upset tummy, as Shakti ruthlessly purifies the whole of me. My throat chakra was blocked from years of keeping the secret of my abusive relationships and my attacks from the past, thankfully, Guruji astral planed to me during meditation and unblocked it for me. My mind didn't stop as The Ego struggled to regain control as my spirit rose. I can see things I could never see before, like our one-ness, I can't just feel it now - I can see it. 

Before Shaktipat, I started to think that life mirrored what was inside us, but now I notice it all the time, all the synchronicities - they're actually becoming predictable at times.

Then there is the bliss: for those of you who have dabbled with ecstasy, it's similar to the high and the rushes from that, only amplified and more loving - it somehow has a stronger hold of you, like a giant hug from the Goddess herself. It just comes on from nowhere. I think of it as a reward from the Goddess Shakti for the hard work put in to the spiritual detox and hardcore healing you must go through.

This is only the start of the journey as a Shaktipat Initiate the cleansing (spiritualising every atom) will continue and the raising of awareness will grow. Eventually, my seven main chakras will be balanced and the ascent of the energy up the middle of my spine will begin - kundalini (Divine spiritual energy) rising. It's vital I keep in touch with my Guru and fellow Shaktipat's for this to happen as it should. Without the proper guidance problems can occur and kundalini can also spontaneously rise in those that are ready for it to happen, which can be a frightening experience for them.

Well, The Ego always likes to know that something has happened/worked via strong experiences and I think my Ego must be happy as the past few weeks have been so hard with so many ups and downs since the initiation. It can't deny that 'something' has happened.

The energy has levelled out a lot now and I feel more human again, though this is partially down to the fact that I begged Shakti to slow down, as it really was all too much with the illness, nausea and constant healing. Thank you, for slowing down, Shakti!

I'm looking forward to seeing what else Shakti brings to me and to spending more time in meditation with my fellow Shaktipat Initiates.

Our wonderful Swami's do lots of charitable work and Guruji has set up an Ashram in India for deprived children to study and follow esoteric practice also. As well as this there is a medicine camp there, support for elderly women, shelter for the homeless and a spiritual hub and help centre. If you'd like to find out more or donate you can do here http://siddhaashram.net/services.htm

Have a happy Thursday and wonderful weekend, everyone.