During the past few weeks I have been 'tried' to about as much as I can take. I'm sure you've all had times like that? Maybe you're going through a time like that right now or know someone who is. I'm sending love out to any who are.
Want to know how it all started? Are you sitting comfortably? About 4 weeks ago, on a Friday, I was doing a reiki self-treatment when a very loud and clear message was received completely out of the blue. The message was..."Your cats mission here on earth is up. You got him to be a best friend to your son and now your son has a best friend at college." WHAT?! It was clear I was being forewarned to prepare for our cats departure. Devastated doesn't quite cover it. I sobbed and shook the whole way through the remainder of the treatment. My cat was perfectly healthy: I didn't understand the message.
The following Monday my cat was sick. I immediately took him to the vets. Even then everything seemed fine and the vet said the cat was incredibly healthy for a 16 year old, but his teeth need scraping and they'd want to do a 'dental'. It's normal practice to check older cats blood and urine before an op, so that's what happened.
Once the results were in, I was called but told I'd best go in for the results. By this time I was starting to fear (I know, I'm still battling that beast!) the worst.
I was told that our cat has renal failure and that they wouldn't want to do the op, as a result. All his issues were manageable so I was still hopeful he'd be OK.
Choose fear or faith
To try to put it into perspective, he is not 'just' a cat to us. He's the centre of our universe, everything in the house revolves around our love for him and has done for over 14 years. Rather like when someone has a new baby, but if that baby stayed a baby for all those years. Most people will understand this, but I know for some it will be incomprehensible to get so close to an animal.
Our cat making himself comfy
Our cat looking up at us with his big gold eyes
Our cat enjoying a good sleep and dream
There's something about people (or pets) passing over that I don't handle well at all. It's definitely something I need to work on. Strange really as I have regular conversations with one of my nanas that passed years ago. You'd think I'd handle it better than most, but for some reason...I don't!
So far we've had a few traumatic weeks of thinking todays the day he leaves, oh no it isn't, oh yes it is (not quite as pantomime as it sounds). Many of you will know the endless rollercoaster of emotions when someone is terminally ill.
Several other tests have been thrown in on the way, but I will not write about these. I've been on a low vibe so was bound to attract other nasty stuff in to my life too.
I got to breaking point, as our cat wouldn't eat and was seriously ill. I couldn't handle the upset any more and I was so angry about it all. It feels like this is part of my chosen path: a necessary lesson and so I took to my Asana (wool mat used for Shakti invoking meditation). I was too wound up to meditate. Instead I had what can only be described as a rant at Shakti, Shiva, reiki, angels and even the 'G' word (God). I wanted to know why, I needed help and I was giving up this stupid path anyway - everyone is leaving me, so why should I stay?
Archangel Metatron came to me and said he has another mission for my cat very soon and that he would look after him. Even this wasn't good enough for me. I felt guilty as I knew it would be hard for our cat too, but I was asking for support for me. I changed tack, I asked for healing for our cat and support to get him through.
I gave our cat regular reiki even though I knew it would help him leave his physical body. This taught me to trust reiki to do right by him and for me to surrender as the channel and reiki as the healer. I fully expected our cat to pass away soon, he deteriorated rapidly.
In the end the vet gave us 48 hours to get him well or bring him back into the surgery. I did another reiki and his condition worsened. It came to me to take him into the vets even though 12 hours, not 48, had passed. He was admitted as an emergency case and we all thought this was 'it'.
Our cat is now home and his kidney function is within normal range. The main issue is his teeth and if anti-biotics don't sort them, he will likely need that 'dental', but if he has it, he has a very good prognosis.
Things are not always as they seem
Essentially, I have learnt so much from this experience and although I haven't enjoyed it, I'm grateful for the lessons learnt:
* Surrender to reiki with complete detachment from the outcome. Reiki works in mysterious ways and in a funny way I think it was teaching me this.
* Ask for help when you need it i.e. before you die from a broken heart (don't expect anything less than drama from me!).
* In having the cat in cat hospital, we had 48 hours without him physically being here, we knew he was somewhere else but we couldn't see him. This was reiki giving us a trial run and proving we will survive when he passes, though it was very hard and I still dread the day.
* Sacrifice how I feel for the benefit of the person (or cat) who is really going through it i.e. we may be sad that someone is terminally ill, but it is not happening to us, it is happening to them.
* I should not panic at the first sign of something not going to my plan. The Universe is in charge of plans and is far better at it than me.
I've learnt lots more too but they're the key points. It's one none-stop learning-curve party in this house, let me tell you!
To anyone going through a 'rough patch', please try to have faith. God is on your side and even if you can't see a reason for what is going on, there will be one - it might just be a lesson for you, but remember only when the pupil is ready does the master appear.
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